Scanning the Channel Guide

Remember the TV Guide?

That was serious required reading back in my youth. There wasn’t internet. There wasn’t cable… not where I grew up anyway.

It was the bible of my viewing time. (What I recall to be) Great Interviews of assorted “famous” people who graced its glossy cover. A crossword of TV-related jetsam and flotsam out back… And of course, the seminal TV Guide Close Up break out of some must-watch show on that day.

“It’s in Close Up, it must be good!”

Now, in this modern age, where six billion channels are at my fingertips, I often find myself in a quandary. It’s like having a refrigerator full of food and lamenting, “There’s nothing to eat.”

I cruise the channel guide looking for some beacon of hope in the vast wasteland, often finding nothing. More often than not, I settle on Cops, or Jail, or Lockup.

Scanning this evening, some of the weird shit available for my viewing pleasure…

  • Local Insert Channel
  • Key Capitol Hill Hearings
  • Monster Fish
  • Woosh Beauty Premiere
  • Black Shaft Addiction 2
  • Tanned & Crammed

I ended up watching Cops…

That Corona commercial

I finally looked up what the hell that jangly kind-of-reggae song is playing the back of that damn Corona beer commercial. You know, hipstery people lounging on the beach quaffing shitty beer you gotta squeeze citrus into the nozzle…

Anyway, it appears to be something called “Ray of Light,” crooned by a Sharon van Etten.

Never heard of either of them. I googled it, listened to it, and thought, “hmmm starts out okay, then gets terminal quick.”

No wonder Corona only uses a snippet.

Television is a cesspool

Television.

The boob tube.

The vast wasteland.

Ultimately, a cesspool.

My name is Rich, and I watch television. Quite a bit of it. It’s enjoyable. It’s bizarre. More often than not it’s completely fucked up.

I’m not sure what I plan to accomplish here, other than provide a running commentary of shit I see on tv.

Enjoy.