Steve Harvey’s fuck up in the Miss Universe pageant will definitely rise up to one of the finest moments in television history when he claimed Colombia won… then she gets the shaft.
Philippines wins it all.
They rip the crown off Colombia’s head, unceremoniously.
It dawned on me as I sat dazed in front of the boob tube that there are too many goddam ukuleles in commercials. Yes, pronounced “yoo kuh lay lee.”
That shit got old after Israel Kamakawiwoole burned that bridge way the fuck back when.
I’ve never been able to sit through more than 20 seconds of this craptastic show.
I like cooking shows, too.
But anything with Alton Brown makes me physically ill. Alton Brown has got to be the biggest douchenozzle on television today. Smug, with a healthy dose of overt asshole-ishness, this guy makes me want to do unspeakable things to cute animals.
Which leads us today, as I traipse through the vacuum of crap on television – seemingly nothing on – and I stumble upon Cutthroat Kitchen. “Fuck it,” I think to myself, and venture in.
Of course, Alton Brown is being his over-hyper/over-acting self, trumping up drama where there isn’t any, and just generally being a complete asshole.
“Damn the asshole, I’m gonna sit through this piece of garbage. Just on principle,” I mumble.
I’m 33 minutes in. Haven’t destroyed my television yet. Maybe I’ll make it through this one.