Magic microphone

Has it come to this… talking to inanimate objects?

Yeah, yeah, microphones and invisible friends and all that… but have you noticed how they make hunting for shit on the television and Apple TV and all those dingle dongles incredibly difficult? I mean seriously, hunting and pecking with a craptastic remote that some schlub who seemingly never has done massive hunting on a remote device before. It’s hell.

Blippity bloppity as you go letter by letter, praying that some auto-fill feature will save you from having to enter the whole goddam title…

So now there’s that microphone. You talk into the remote.

Shit magically appears.

Like Jesus.

I think it’s one more data mining bullshit dongle invading our collective minds. Sure, call me all Mr. Conspiracy Theory or whatever… that doesn’t change the truth.

Needless to say, I’m a fucking luddite and still hunt and peck. With a goddam smile on my face.

And get off my lawn while yer at it…

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The North Pole…

…is apparently still there, if the Hallmark Channel has anything to do with it.

You know, as a professional television watcher and TV critic extraordinaire, I really should be on top of this shit, you know? Fuck, I’ve been getting all “Christmas in July” on QVC where I got emotional watching them peddle green rocks that are apparently very valuable and have been “touched by the Irish.”

Fucking “Touched by the Irish!!”

That’s some apparently very serious shit and warrants a high price tag. I need to come up with something like that to label whatever I sell.

But I digress (if you want digression, stay tuned, I’ll get all passive digressive sometime soon)…

I’m a die-hard Xmas junkie, so stopping off on the Hallmark Channel in a surfing session to enjoy a few minutes of “Every Christmas Has A Story” is something I covet deeply.

Anyway, I hate the summer, so seeing people frolic in fake winter scenes (you know this shit was shot in the middle of summer) makes me happy.

Where’s my goddam hot chocolate?

Still all trumpish…

Good god, have you watched CNN lately? Fuck, that craptastic excuse for a news station is in the shitter.

And lest you think I’m all “Trump, fuck yeah!” That’s not the case. Frankly, I don’t really give a shit one way or another, but what does drive me up the wall is how news stations everywhere have this fucked-up fixation on Trump. A fucking kid could get eaten by a condor, and they’ll somehow tie it in to Trump.

Jesus, give it a fucking rest already. Not every fucking news story has to mention Trump.