The wiggly camera…

Look at her shake, shimmy, and undulate… It’s like the sultry shaking hips of that wahine in the intro to the original Hawaii 5-O.

Alas, the results aren’t the same. We are, after all, talking about the ubiquitous “wiggly camera.” You see it in those shit-ass news shows like 20/20 or whatever. It’s creeping into the occasional sit-com and drama. Some anus decided it shows “tension” or “down-to-earthness” or, “we’re fucking dipshits who can’t hold a goddam camera steady.”

Of course you expect it on Naked & Afraid or Live PD or whatever. That shit is out in the wild for crissakes, those cameras better be wiggling.

But otherwise, for the love of God, it’s 2017. Can we get a camera stabilizer in these fools’ hands? Good god, my cat could take steadier footage than some of the garbage I see floating across my screen.

The worst shit is when they wiggle the camera on purpose to make it “edgy.” You can picture the suit in the background saying, “hey, that camera is waaaaaay too steady. It won’t appeal to the young kids.”

No, it might not. Get wiggly so people can openly vomit in their living rooms.

With all this HD magic supposedly making our lives infinitely better, it would be even better with steady cameras.

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