The enduring beard

You know, that Chevy beard guy is still in action.

In those rare moments when I actually pay attention to the drone of commercials on the television, occasionally I’ll catch a glimpse of him.

He’s still toting a clipboard, and holding those cute little market testing things with “real people” standing around seemingly interested in whatever car or truck is on the podium for the day.

“Ooohs” and “Aaahs” flow like wine, and the smugness envelops us all.

On the floor, or something

What the fuck is with this weird “trend” of having people lie against a wall like they’re in bed?

You see it in commercials all the time.

Weird herky-jerky animation bullshit going on in the background… fucking more of the dumb-ass hipster infiltration. There’s got to be a beard somewhere on screen.

The suits are sure to be gloating “Look! It’s modern, and will lure the young, gullible and spendy!”

Fucktards. I see that shit and it inspires lame-ass television blog entries like this.

So there!

Get all jangly…

It’s over halfway through the year of our lord 2016, and jangly hipster man bun beard music is still a thing.

I suppose it’s wishful thinking that at some point, it will all disappear, and music that doesn’t grate on me will rule the airwaves over the TeeVee universe.

It still must sell. People must demand it.

Or some clown in an office somewhere thinks “this is what people want.”

State Farm has been running an ad with aforementioned jangly hipster music. And it bothers me. Deeply. The song is actually vaguely catchy, but it’s also kind of stupid, and is all happy and shit.

Fuck Happy.

Well, in this case anyway. It’s fucking insurance. I pay a fucking premium, then get fucked over when I actually need to fix something.

Fuck insurance.


But I digress…

After some digging, it appears the tune in question is by some band called Vows, and is called “We Belong Together.” Or so says




That smug beard guy selling Chevys

Jesus H. Christ. I swear, every so often, some TeeVee pitchman comes along who is so fucking annoying, that I want to fucking throw a brick through the television.

Well, lately, it’s been that fucking smug-ass beard douche pitching fucking shit Chevy cars to “Real People – Not Actors.”

My fucking ass.

So help me god, I will never, ever, buy a Chevrolet based solely on this commercial series.

Premise: Smug Douche Beard Guy, who is clearly much more important, smart, and generally worldly gets a group of “Real People – Not Actors” in some situation resembling a panel discussion/round table to get their “real” thoughts on crappy shit Chevrolet cars.

More often than not, the “panelists” are complete bumbling idiots driveling over these cars, waxing hyperbolic about how epic the cars are. They really want one! This means it’s “real” and you should want one, too.

Fuck, at one point the fucker pretends to throw everyone’s cell phones into a wood chipper to prove some dumb-ass point.

And the beard douche soaks it all up. He’s smug. He’s a fucking asshole. He glows.

He kind of morphs according to who he’s trying to pull a fast one over. A bunch of dim construction guys (never any females in construction, BTW)? And he dresses down and kind of acts formanly. He’s one of the guys – but just that much better than them.

No. He’s a fucking asshole. Pretentious fuck.

I’m genuinely interested in the thought process behind this commercial series. Who, in their right mind, could actually think this could be a good thing? It must have passed some sort of sniff test. There must have been “Real People – Not Actors” who said, “This is some damn fine commercial work, folks. Green light it immediately. Run with it. Hell, this wonderful man will be the face of Chevrolet for all of eternity. We are blessed.”

I weep openly.