Magic microphone

Has it come to this… talking to inanimate objects?

Yeah, yeah, microphones and invisible friends and all that… but have you noticed how they make hunting for shit on the television and Apple TV and all those dingle dongles incredibly difficult? I mean seriously, hunting and pecking with a craptastic remote that some schlub who seemingly never has done massive hunting on a remote device before. It’s hell.

Blippity bloppity as you go letter by letter, praying that some auto-fill feature will save you from having to enter the whole goddam title…

So now there’s that microphone. You talk into the remote.

Shit magically appears.

Like Jesus.

I think it’s one more data mining bullshit dongle invading our collective minds. Sure, call me all Mr. Conspiracy Theory or whatever… that doesn’t change the truth.

Needless to say, I’m a fucking luddite and still hunt and peck. With a goddam smile on my face.

And get off my lawn while yer at it…

Scanning the Channel Guide

Remember the TV Guide?

That was serious required reading back in my youth. There wasn’t internet. There wasn’t cable… not where I grew up anyway.

It was the bible of my viewing time. (What I recall to be) Great Interviews of assorted “famous” people who graced its glossy cover. A crossword of TV-related jetsam and flotsam out back… And of course, the seminal TV Guide Close Up break out of some must-watch show on that day.

“It’s in Close Up, it must be good!”

Now, in this modern age, where six billion channels are at my fingertips, I often find myself in a quandary. It’s like having a refrigerator full of food and lamenting, “There’s nothing to eat.”

I cruise the channel guide looking for some beacon of hope in the vast wasteland, often finding nothing. More often than not, I settle on Cops, or Jail, or Lockup.

Scanning this evening, some of the weird shit available for my viewing pleasure…

  • Local Insert Channel
  • Key Capitol Hill Hearings
  • Monster Fish
  • Woosh Beauty Premiere
  • Black Shaft Addiction 2
  • Tanned & Crammed

I ended up watching Cops…