Cooking and drinking…

For some reason, cooking and drinking goes quite well together… Hell, I’ve been known to do it myself.

But I digress.

Often when watching those “cooking shows” on teevee, it never fails that when some sort of liquor gets trotted out as an ingredient, it never fails that some chef/contestant/asshole takes a healthy swig from the jug, then proceeds to immediately pour some of that backwash spittle into the food.

That’s some fucking gross shit, man.

Watching  episode 4 of Season 14 of Top Chef, the ever-annoying Katsuji (expertly pronounced by all as Cat-soo-ji, BTW) is continually hitting the Patron like a fucking raging alcoholic, then pours the shit into whatever the fuck he’s cooking.

Whatever.

It all cooks out, right? Like fucking food-borne illness.

Of course, the episode is sponsored by Patron, so dumb-shit chefs getting fucked up in the kitchen is the perfect way to highlight the wonderful qualities of that over-hyped, over-priced shit-ass tequila.

Cutthroat Kitchen

I’ve never been able to sit through more than 20 seconds of this craptastic show.

I like cooking shows, too.

But anything with Alton Brown makes me physically ill. Alton Brown has got to be the biggest douchenozzle on television today. Smug, with a healthy dose of overt asshole-ishness, this guy makes me want to do unspeakable things to cute animals.

Which leads us today, as I traipse through the vacuum of crap on television – seemingly nothing on – and I stumble upon Cutthroat Kitchen. “Fuck it,” I think to myself, and venture in.

Of course, Alton Brown is being his over-hyper/over-acting self, trumping up drama where there isn’t any, and just generally being a complete asshole.

“Damn the asshole, I’m gonna sit through this piece of garbage. Just on principle,” I mumble.

I’m 33 minutes in. Haven’t destroyed my television yet. Maybe I’ll make it through this one.