They sound like pigs

Watching MasterChef Junior, it suddenly occurred to me that when all the little kiddies scream, it sounds like a bunch of pigs being killed.

I suppose that applies to any situation where groups of children are assembled and they all stat squealing — it’s a horrific slaughter situation of innocent porcine homicide.

Someone ejaculated on my plate

I enjoy watching those cooking shows on television. For the most part.

I suppose it has to do with a general enjoyment of food, and a weird interest in “how the sausage is made.”

I’ve recently been on a Top Chef jag… Tom Curlique or whatever he’s named, and Padma wandering around getting fucked up on wine, thinking and acting (badly) like they’re the shit.

A recent episode had the chefs creating something that spoke to their past (a recurring theme — “this is me on a plate, man’).

One chef made something and added a foam of sorts, as a nod to his upbringing by the sea. As usual, the foam looked like fucked up spittle. Or, in a seminal way, looked like foamy ejaculate. Like a fucked up porn reel stag film, where some guy went and whipped out his shlong and whacked it on someone’s fucking dinner.

And don’t get me started on the ever-popular shit smear they love to put on plates — I’ll leave that for another entry…

Brewhouse Bacon

It’s rare for me to actually like a commercial.

A necessary evil for this cesspool called Television, advertisements are most often irritating crap that really showcase little-to-no creativity. It’s almost as if the “executives” make it a point to put the absolutely most shitty concepts on the air.

“If we put dumb shit on the air, we’ll make our viewers dumb shits, and then they’ll buy our garbage!”


When I lived in Japan, it wasn’t (and most likely still isn’t) like the shit spewed on television in the good ol’ United States of America. Commercials were (are?) actually entertaining. They took time to craft decent shit. Hell, sometimes the ads were better than the goddam shows I was watching.

But I digress…

Jack in the Box has recently started running an ad touting their new¬†Jack’s Brewhouse Bacon Burger.

Jack in the Box ads for the most part are generally palatable, and this one is no exception.

Set in a “brewhouse/brewpub/gastropub/douche nest” it has Jack in disguise as a bartender (just missing a man bun) handing out a Jack burger in liu of something that came out of the kitchen.

Big reveal that it’s from Jack in the Box. People freak.

Big reveal that he’s Jack. People freak.

For some reason I find this whole thing hilarious.