Someone ejaculated on my plate

I enjoy watching those cooking shows on television. For the most part.

I suppose it has to do with a general enjoyment of food, and a weird interest in “how the sausage is made.”

I’ve recently been on a Top Chef jag… Tom Curlique or whatever he’s named, and Padma wandering around getting fucked up on wine, thinking and acting (badly) like they’re the shit.

A recent episode had the chefs creating something that spoke to their past (a recurring theme — “this is me on a plate, man’).

One chef made something and added a foam of sorts, as a nod to his upbringing by the sea. As usual, the foam looked like fucked up spittle. Or, in a seminal way, looked like foamy ejaculate. Like a fucked up porn reel stag film, where some guy went and whipped out his shlong and whacked it on someone’s fucking dinner.

And don’t get me started on the ever-popular shit smear they love to put on plates — I’ll leave that for another entry…