According to Ford…

… parallel parking is some kind of indicator of worthiness.

Scenario unfolds as some dude is parking in front of family of girlfriend (or whatever).

Apparently dude can’t do it and needs the Ford vehicle’s handy automated system to do it for him. And thank God it was there and he didn’t plow into the parked cars around him. Day is saved, family adores him, and all is well.

Of course we can’t forget that Ford also has a truck that will back a trailer for you, too.

Seems like simple, essential driving skills are pretty much being eliminated. But I suppose that’s okay… leaves more time to stare at a fucking cell phone.

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Still all trumpish…

Good god, have you watched CNN lately? Fuck, that craptastic excuse for a news station is in the shitter.

And lest you think I’m all “Trump, fuck yeah!” That’s not the case. Frankly, I don’t really give a shit one way or another, but what does drive me up the wall is how news stations everywhere have this fucked-up fixation on Trump. A fucking kid could get eaten by a condor, and they’ll somehow tie it in to Trump.

Jesus, give it a fucking rest already. Not every fucking news story has to mention Trump.

News programs…

… really suck nowadays. I mean, Christ, I get people are all sour and shit that Trump was elected president of this fine country… and I’m not gonna go into any of that.

Why?

Because it’s all over the fucking news all the fucking time. Good fucking god. It never fucking ends.

The media people wonder why people think news and shit isn’t worth reading or watching… and this is one of the reasons. They clamp onto something and can’t fucking let go. Fucking dipshits.

There’s other shit going on on this planet. Give the Trump shit a fucking rest.

Carfax fox dude

I’m still trying to figure out if the Carfax Car Fox dude is creepy, or incredibly cool.

I mean, think about it… he wears khakis and a t-shirt. Just kind of hangs out and gives advice when it’s needed. Seems kind of savvy…

Maybe he’s way cool. The kind of dude you want to hang out with and have a beer and shoot the shit.

Cut the cord

You know, I’ve thought about it.

Cut cable. Fuck Comcast once and for all. Fucking prick shit assholes.

Have I mentioned there is pretty much nothing good about Comcast? Xfinity? Whatever the fuck they call themselves now? Or whenever.

I mean, Jesus fucking Christ, how shitty can a company actually get?

They overcharge for everything, are generally assholes, and are just all-around crap.

But then again, this is nothing new. This is not groundbreaking news. Pretty much any human who has had any interaction with Comcast knows they are garbage.

Why do I write this? I’m whipping myself into a goddam froth just thinking about what a horrible bowl of shit Comcast is.

I guess it’s somehow cathartic? Fucking ranting on some television blog that nobody reads. Weeping, moaning. Damn, it’s Friday night, man, and I’m here fucking up my blood pressure going off on some shit company that doesn’t care about me, or you, or anyone for that matter.

Anyway, what the fuck was the point of this? Oh yeah, growing a pair and cutting the fucking so-called “cord” and getting off this Comcast shit.

Going rogue, with PS4 Vue, or just the Apple TV or whatever.

But it seems so scary. Denuded. Naked and afraid in the woods with nothing but my wits and no fucking cable.

Cable TV.

What is this, 1982?

Oh yeah, fuck Comcast.

2016 is pretty much a wrap

I suppose I’ll slog through a few minutes of the insipid madcap laffs that are Anderson Cooper and that ever-obnoxious Kathy Griffin. Then segue smoothly into the local coverage of people crouched around a glowing tower all waiting for something exciting to happen.

Of course, it’s been a fine year of bad television, and quite frankly I have no expectations that anything will change in 2017.

And yes, I’m still on that quest to see every episode of Cops and SVU free-range (not on-demand, but found feral over the cable waves).

Cooking and drinking…

For some reason, cooking and drinking goes quite well together… Hell, I’ve been known to do it myself.

But I digress.

Often when watching those “cooking shows” on teevee, it never fails that when some sort of liquor gets trotted out as an ingredient, it never fails that some chef/contestant/asshole takes a healthy swig from the jug, then proceeds to immediately pour some of that backwash spittle into the food.

That’s some fucking gross shit, man.

Watching  episode 4 of Season 14 of Top Chef, the ever-annoying Katsuji (expertly pronounced by all as Cat-soo-ji, BTW) is continually hitting the Patron like a fucking raging alcoholic, then pours the shit into whatever the fuck he’s cooking.

Whatever.

It all cooks out, right? Like fucking food-borne illness.

Of course, the episode is sponsored by Patron, so dumb-shit chefs getting fucked up in the kitchen is the perfect way to highlight the wonderful qualities of that over-hyped, over-priced shit-ass tequila.