2016 is pretty much a wrap

I suppose I’ll slog through a few minutes of the insipid madcap laffs that are Anderson Cooper and that ever-obnoxious Kathy Griffin. Then segue smoothly into the local coverage of people crouched around a glowing tower all waiting for something exciting to happen.

Of course, it’s been a fine year of bad television, and quite frankly I have no expectations that anything will change in 2017.

And yes, I’m still on that quest to see every episode of Cops and SVU free-range (not on-demand, but found feral over the cable waves).

Cooking and drinking…

For some reason, cooking and drinking goes quite well together… Hell, I’ve been known to do it myself.

But I digress.

Often when watching those “cooking shows” on teevee, it never fails that when some sort of liquor gets trotted out as an ingredient, it never fails that some chef/contestant/asshole takes a healthy swig from the jug, then proceeds to immediately pour some of that backwash spittle into the food.

That’s some fucking gross shit, man.

Watching  episode 4 of Season 14 of Top Chef, the ever-annoying Katsuji (expertly pronounced by all as Cat-soo-ji, BTW) is continually hitting the Patron like a fucking raging alcoholic, then pours the shit into whatever the fuck he’s cooking.

Whatever.

It all cooks out, right? Like fucking food-borne illness.

Of course, the episode is sponsored by Patron, so dumb-shit chefs getting fucked up in the kitchen is the perfect way to highlight the wonderful qualities of that over-hyped, over-priced shit-ass tequila.

Bad tunes

I’m not sure why anyone would think it’s a good idea to have people who can’t sing sing in commercials…

Oh yeah, dipshit dumbass commercial people probably think, “fuck bro, this shit is gold! Fucking idiots in TeeVeeLand can ‘RELATE!'”

Um, no. We don’t.

At least I don’t.

I think it’s some shitty Subaru ad where clowns who can’t sing belt out “Put A Little Love In Your Heart.”

Sorry, it’s like listening to cats in fucking heat.

Gets me to mute that shit pretty damn quick.

Bar Rescue needs one itself

I’ve been watching Bar Rescue for a while now, and quite frankly, it’s getting pretty shitty lately.

This past Triple Nickel episode was pretty much unwatchable. Hell, the past season has pretty much gone down the shitter.

Taffer is completely overboard, and the fake factor has been ramped up so high I’m like “what the fuck is this garbage?”

Maybe I need to be all wasted or something to really get into it. Seems everyone else on the damn show is wasted… why not me?

Of course, I’m a sucker for shitty television, so I’ll continue to slog my way through the jetsam and flotsam…

Stay tuned…

Xmas? WTF?

It’s fucking October Duracell.

Fuck you.

No, seriously.

A fucking Christmas commercial? On fucking Sunday, October 23, 2016?

Are you fucking high? I don’t care if there’s some fucking charity thinly veiled in the goddam thing. Fuck the fucking fuck off.

Fuck this shit.

Make Xmas 365 already. Jesus H. Fucking Christ.

Shit.

That ruined my fucking month. I haven’t even put up some fucking Halloween decorations yet.

I’m gonna have a fucking coronary.

Get all political…

Man, this is a good time for yelling at televisions.

Dipshit politicians thinking we actually give a flying fuck about anything they say.

You know, the only ones making out like bandits are television stations (and I suppose the occasional print publication) milking the election season for all its worth. Christmas in October/November?

The worst part is the complete stupidity of these politicians, or whoever writes the pap that they spout on the small screen. You look like the idiots you are.

But it will all be behind us in a few weeks.

And for that, I am thankful.

Until then, hell continues.

VPs face off

And hilarity ensues.

Of course the double take moment came when Mike Pence ejaculated, “You whipped out that Mexican thing again.”

I was like, “did he just fucking say that?”

Apparently he did.

And it goes down in the annals of great Vice President debate moments.

Go only knows we need more of that kind of wonderful.

The Alaska Airlines Bluescreen of Douchery

Out here in the wild west, Alaska Airlines is a pretty big thing.

They got good ol’ Seahawks QB Russell Wilson as CFO (Chief Football Officer… harhar!)… and an eskimo on the tail of their planes.

Of course, there’s an ad series out now (actually has been out for a while, I’ve just been trying to flush it from my memory, foggy as my memories may be), where they’re at the airport… Big blue screen set up in the loading area… and then happy travelers coming by to give little spiels about where they’d love to fly.

It’s the typical “man on the street” interview affair. At least the camera is solidly mounted (so help me god, if I see one more wiggly camera in use for “realness” I’m going fucking go insane).

I suppose the whole fucking affair is innocuous enough.

Perhaps I’m too sensitive.

But the whole thing is so hackneyed and, well, fucking stupid. Especially the dumb-ass hipster who wants to go to fucking Finland or somewhere.

Where?

Who the fuck cares. She fucking snorts and sighs after she says it.

Like she’s gonna eat fucking lutefisk or something for fucking eternity.

Dumbshit.

No.

Perhaps its the mother who wants to go see fucking monkeys somewhere.

I can’t even recall and I just saw this.

What the fucking fuck.

I mean, either this shit is actually real, and she’s got issues, or some writer somewhere found a really good way to fuck with me.

Jesus. Fucking monkeys?

That’s some fucking twisted shit, man.

Fox Football Robot

Ok, 2016 NFL Football is upon us like a moist towelette.

I’m finally getting around to watching a game on Fox Sports, and lo! & behold! There’s that fucking dip-shit crap with the glowing eyes.

Fox Sports still has that dumb-ass robot football player thing that walks all over the screen. Trying to look all cool and shit.

Looks like a fucking pile of idiotic garbage.

What in the name of fuck is that shit? I’ve been watching it for years. What are we, 9? Is this supposed to be “cool?” This is shit that you put on fucking onesies for fucking babies. Goddam.

It’s fucking immature and stupid. Jesus fucking Christ, get rid of that shit already, people and grow the fuck up.